Sometimes I Feel Like
by aquagenic
Summary: It's the start of college and new relationships surface. But Santana can't figure Brittany out. What does she want from her? And what does Santana want from Brittany? AU. Two shot.
1. Chapter 1

Santana is walking down the hallway to her first class in the University of Washington. People around her are chattering and she's desperate to fit in and trying not to look like a freshman. The problem is she can't find her classroom. She was there for the orientation week, but she forgot everything they said there. But do people actually expect you to remember everything? They give so much information that only a person with the brain of Einstein would remember. And Santana does not have that kind of a brain. Obviously. She's going to study biology, after all. Someone bumps into her on their way to class and Santana decides it's time to ask for directions from someone. She's ready for that humiliation over being late for class. She stops the first person she sees, and asks.

"Freshman, huh?" the boy chuckles. Santana sighs and does something between a shrug and a nod. The boy's smile widens.

"Well, was there to lead the orientation week, so I won't give you too much trouble for this. Did you pay attention, though?" he narrows his eyes. Santana widens them in outrage. Who the hell does this dude think he is? Does he not remember what it is like to be a freshman?

"I forgot a lot of the things you guys said. There was a lot of information," she says. "Look, can you just point me to the class? I really don't want to be late." The boy nods and tells her the directions.

"If you have any questions, you should just call someone. We gave you the sheet which all of the orientation leaders, remember?" he recommends and smiles. Santana throws him a fake smile and thanks him for his help. She turns and walks away to the right direction. On her way, she decides she is never going to be an orientation leader. The students that are not are probably more friendly, anyway. And only a loser would call them and ask for advise. College teaches people to survive on their own, right? No use of relying on too many people.

She finally reaches her class and notices the professor isn't there yet. She finds herself a seat in the middle of the room and waits and texts her best friend Quinn to kill time. A few minutes later, the professor comes in and starts the class. Santana is staring at the professor with her mouth open. How many deadlines can there possibly be? Aren't they supposed to ease the freshmen up a bit, before throwing everything in their faces? _Maybe those orientation leaders aren't so useless_, Santana muses. Suddenly someone opens the door.

"I'm really sorry I'm late! I got lost," a girl with blonde hair walks in. "I don't have the best sense of direction." Santana rolls her eyes. She doesn't need to tell everybody that. It's normal to be late sometimes. The professor points the girl to a seat in front of the class and the girl slumps on the chair, looking around a little embarrassed. Her eyes meet Santana's and suddenly she feels sympathetic. Didn't she say earlier how embarrassing it would be to be late for your first class in college? She sends the girl a small smile and hopes for it to be encouraging or reassuring or something. The girl smiles back and they both turn their head back to the front of the classroom.

* * *

It's been two weeks and Santana has for her delight made herself some friends. Most of them are from the same dorm she lives in, but some of them have integrated to their little group by knowing someone beforehand. For example Mike, Tina's new boyfriend, joined them and brought Brittany with him. Brittany is the girl that was late from their first class. They haven't talked much. Actually Santana hangs out with Tina, Mercedes and Rachel the most. Brittany usually hangs out with the boys for some reason.

Right now, they are at their first party since school started. It's something that the orientation leaders organized for them to get to know each other better. Surprisingly, the party isn't as lame as Santana thought it would be. She came to college with the lowest of expectations. She knew the dorms probably wouldn't be as glamourous as in the movies. She knew the professors probably wouldn't be as personal and characteristic as in the movies. So, she also expected the party wouldn't be anything epic. So she's pleasantly surprised. It's not epic yet, but judging how close Rachel and Puck are sitting next to each other, it's possible that she and her friends will have some gossiping to do tomorrow.

They're scattered around the room but still making it seem like they're a group. _That's some serious skill right there_, Santana thinks proudly as she sips her drink. Someone slumps down next to her on the couch and she turns her head to identify the person. It's Brittany, who throws her a smile.

"Hey," she says a little out of breath.

"Hi," Santana says back. "Having fun?"

"Yeah! People are really nice here. And I love dancing at parties, so… Can I have some of your drink? I'm thirsty," Brittany says casually. Santana frowns and glances at her drink.

"Um… It's not water, you know that right?" Brittany snorts and nods. She starts waving her hand in front of her face to cool herself a bit. Santana purses her lips and suggests that she goes with Brittany to get her own drink. Brittany complies and together they walk towards the table where all the drinks are. Walking past a door that leads outside, they hear people chanting. Waiting for Brittany to make her drink, Santana thinks of something to say, but before she even has the time to open her mouth, Brittany says something.

"I heard they are having a beer pong tournament outside. Do you want to go and watch for a bit?"

"Sure, let's go. It's always so funny to see their faces trying to drink the beer and it spills all over them," Santana jokes. Brittany laughs and nods in agreement. They arrive to scene and the game is about halfway through. Some boy is trying to drink his beer but he keeps taking brakes. Santana and Brittany laugh with everyone else, while the boys teammate is yelling next to him.

"Dude, do I need to find someone else to be on this team, or what? Just drink the fucking beer!" The boy drinking the beer shakes his head and finishes the beer. He wipes his mouth as he claps the other one's back.

"I got it, man. This shit's important." Santana snorts and Brittany smiles next to her.

"Bet you ten bucks he's out like a light by end of the game," she whispers in Santana's ear. Santana shivers to the warm breath that came from the whisper. She gathers herself and turns to face Brittany.

"I don't have to bet on that. I can't believe they are taking this so seriously, anyway," she wonders.

"It's all about the reputation, Santana. Who would want to be remembered as the one who lost beer pong at the first party of the year?" Santana can tell Brittany's joking, since she's snickering like a little kid. Apparently winning the game is important. She decides to mess with Brittany a little bit.

"Or who would want to be one late for the first class of the year?" she smirks at Brittany, who wipes the smile of her face quickly. Trying to regain some dignity, she stands up straighter, several inches taller than Santana.

"I really got lost." Santana pats her arm and smiles.

"I know, Britt," she says patronizingly. Brittany makes face but then lights up.

"Well, at least you were nice to me." Santana drops the act and shrugs.

"I sympathized."

"You did," Brittany says and grins. "Let's go back inside?" Santana nods and they walk back to their friends. They sit back on their spots on the couch next to each other. Brittany is a lot closer than earlier. Her bare thigh is touching Santana's and it feels really warm. Santana takes a breath and finishes her drink quickly. She leans back only to find herself leaning towards Brittany's arm. Did she miss something happening between them during their talk? This looks like they're cuddling and she sees Tina and Mercedes eyeing them opposite of where they are sitting. She clears her throat and starts talking to Finn, who is sitting next to her.

* * *

"So…"

"So?" Santana says in puzzlement. She and Quinn are having dinner in downtown. Santana has been feeling bad lately because she doesn't have time for Quinn like she did before. So she chose to take the initiative and invite her to dinner. She's paying her own half, though. She's not the one working like Quinn is.

"So, aren't you going to tell me anything about the first few weeks in the college world? You don't say much on the phone," Quinn says and raises her eyebrows.

"Oh, um… I don't know. There isn't that much to tell. It's college," Santana says indifferently. Seriously, everything worth telling has been told through texts. Like how bored she's in a class. Or how a random guy asked her if he's allowed to smoke while in class. That kind of stuff. Everything else is just… normal. Quinn scoffs and looks displeased. "What? It's normal life now!"

"Santana, I don't care about your classes or teachers. I want to hear about the people you've met there. Who's okay and who's annoying the shit out of you by being too nice to be actually nice?" Quinn enquires with an expecting face. Santana tries to think of something to tell. She's been hanging out with Mercedes, Tina and Rachel a lot. They're the people who she can go to. Mike, Puck and Finn are okay, but they don't see each other that much. The group she has been working on a project with, is dull. They're all good student's and don't really care about life outside of school. The only thing Santana could talk about, is Brittany, but telling Quinn would mean that Santana is accepting her teeny tiny crush on her and that… Santana refuses to go there. She goes to the safe route.

"Well, I've been hanging out with some people there and they're okay. Rachel's kind of annoying sometimes, but so are you." Quinn rolls her eyes at Santana's childish behavior.

"Great," she says sarcastically and reassumes to eating her pasta. Santana picks at her food and rolls her eyes at herself. She's in college, maybe she should start acting like it.

"Okay, there's this girl in this group. Her name's Brittany and I don't hang out that much with her, because she's more with the boys. But when we all come together, she's there."

"And what does she look like? Do you like her?" Quinn starts firing her questions at Santana like an interviewer.

"She's tall and blonde. Pretty," Santana tries to downplay it a little. "And why do you think I mentioned her?" Quinn puts on an innocent look.

"To indulge me, maybe?" she asks. Then smiles. "Sorry, I just wanted to see you admit it."

"Huh, well you got me there," Santana mutters. "But like I said, we don't hang out much. There just was this party where we talked and stuff, but nothing happened. I don't even know if I'm being just paranoid."

"What do you mean?" Quinn asks curiously. Santana explains how they were sitting closely on the sofa and how Brittany wanted her to share her drink with her. She tried to convey the way Brittany was talking with her and how she didn't really care about personal space, which Santana cares about very much. She's always been kind of iffy about people touching her. Even if she knows the person. Quinn listens and tells her to see how things go.

"Can't hurt to have something going on, right? Especially after Regina." Regina is Santana's ex-girlfriend who dumped Santana by really not telling her that they're not together anymore. Santana had to hear from their mutual friends after she had returned from her vacation in Mexico. She had been furious then and hasn't had anyone in any way ever since. Santana smiles and scratches her head.

"Yeah, it's nice to know that I can feel something again, I guess…" Quinn nods and they both return to their food.

* * *

Santana isn't feeling too good. She's been at this party for two hours and she feels like she could pass out at any given moment. They are sitting in circle on the ground and booze is circling around them. Santana thinks of what she has been eating today and concludes that the apple and yoghurt in the morning is the latest thing she ate. No wonder she feels like shit. A bottle is put into her hand and she takes a sip.

"Do you think she's okay?" Santana hears someone say. Maybe it's Tina.

"I don't know, she hasn't said anything in a while. She's just… staring right ahead." That's Mike. Well, maybe they could just ask her instead of talking amongst themselves. Except, she thinks she might throw up if opens her mouth. So maybe it's better she just let's people talk about her and determine if she's okay. She certainly knows the answer.

"Santana?" someone says right by her. Santana wracks her brain and remembers that she's sitting next to Puck. "You okay there, Lopez?" She nods but looks straight ahead. She can't look away from what's ahead of her. A perfectly inviting trash can. It's green and there's a sticker that says: "Do not litter!" There's a little graffiti there too, but Santana's focusing on the sticker. Is it littering if she just vomits right here, where she's sitting? Moving isn't something she wants to do right now. Puck puts bottle in her hand and she takes a swig again.

"No, Santana, I meant for you to pass it to Finn!" Puck says frustrated. "Why the hell are you still taking swigs? You've had enough." Santana sways a bit and shakes her head.

"I'm fine, Puck-"

And she's vomiting. And after that, she can't remember anything.

* * *

On monday morning she's walking as slowly as possible to her class, where most of her friends are. She tries to delay the inevitable remarking she's going to have when she gets there. She can't remember anything about anything. Did she do something stupid? She's still feeling a little hangover and hasn't eaten properly. Thinking about eating still makes her a little nauseous. Someone must have helped her to her dorm room, because she woke up in her own bed, alone. She hopes whoever helped her, comes clean. She wants to thank them. God, this has never happened to her before. It's the worst feeling in the world. She texted with Quinn almost all Sunday complaining about how embarrassed she is. Quinn was sympathizing and triumphant at the same time. She is not the best person to seek pity from.

Santana reaches her class and all her friends are there. They are all stifling their smiles and laughs when she gets there. She takes a seat and glares at them all.

"Go on! Laugh, you assholes!" They all burst to laughter. Even Brittany, though she's the only one who also asks if she's okay. Santana nods sheepishly and can't help but smile at Puck, who pats her on the back.

* * *

Weeks pass, and Santana has pretty much forgotten about the shame she had to endure. She hasn't drunk anything after that fateful weekend. Today, there's another party. Again. Apparently college is all about parties because that's all she's been doing lately. Today, there's a theme, though. She and her classmates have to dress up as germs and complete some tasks they are given. That should be easy, and maybe she doesn't have to drink as much. She made sure to eat, of course. Nothing wrong with preparing a little. And not making the same mistake again.

Right now, they are at a park dressed up in weird costumes. Brittany is wearing a giant ball that has some juts poking everyone somewhere in their body. Santana went with neon colored clothes and some strings presenting as some kind of a tail. She knows she didn't do the best job, but she made an effort. She hates dress ups, anyway.

"Okay, you guys!" someone, who's leading all the freemen, shouts. "This is called The Beer Race! The rules are the same as in relay race, but before running, you have to drink one cup of beer!" Oh, come on. It's like they are trying to get Santana drunk again. She hates beer and she certainly doesn't want to run around after drinking that shit. Brittany steps right next her, poking her in the ribs.

"Sorry! What I meant to say, should be easy, right?" Santana rubs at her side and makes a face.

"I don't know. I kind of hate beer." Brittany nods.

"Yeah, it's not my favorite drink either, but I can drink it fast."

"I don't know if I really want to think about drinking, right now," Santana whines. She pouts at Brittany, who starts laughing, again poking Santana's stomach accidentally.

"It's been like a month! You can drink a little, I'll make sure you won't be in the same state as last time." Santana nods reluctantly and this time Brittany pokes her on purpose.

"Game on!"

* * *

Later on, they are at an after party someone is throwing at their house. They have all changed out of their costumes, after the costume winner was announced. Brittany, of course won. She has been getting compliments from a lot of people, but mostly she's staying next to Santana. Santana is very aware of that and is trying her best to ignore it. She's talking to Rachel, but Brittany's constant chatter and moving is proving to be distracting and Santana can't concentrate on Rachel's story about her parents met. Who even tells such a detailed story about their parents?

"Santana!" Brittany snaps Santana out of her musings.

"Yeah?"

"We're all going to dance, come with!" Santana stares at Brittany. When was that decided and was that an invitation to dance with Brittany or everyone?

"Okay."

At the dance floor, they are dancing in a circle. Some old 90's music is playing instead of the annoying techno music that Santana has been hearing lately. This is a nice change. Brittany, however, is dancing right next to Santana. What is her deal? They have never spent time so much at a party. Sometimes, Brittany's right hand touches Santana's arm, shoulder or waist. Santana is just trying to concentrate on Finn, who sucks at dancing. Next, Britney Spears' "Oops, I did it again" starts playing and everyone's singing and dancing and having fun. Brittany turns to face Santana and Santana follows her movements. They are singing to each other and checking each other out quite blatantly. Suddenly, Brittany takes step closer and Santana takes step forward as well. Their arms go around each other and they start dancing a lot more intimately. They are staring at each other right in the eyes and don't notice their friends whispering about them behind their back or even the music. It's kind of dark, but Santana can easily make out the color of Brittany's eyes. They're incredibly blue. How can someone have such an intense, but soft gaze at the same time? Santana can't look away.

Until Backstreet Boys start playing and Mike interrupts their moment. He insists he and Brittany have a dance off to "Everybody" and Brittany is pulled away from Santana. Santana is standing right where she was left in a daze. She can still feel Brittany's arms around her waist. What the hell was that?

* * *

Santana, Rachel, Mercedes and Tina are studying at Tina's dorm room. They've been at it for three hours, because for some reason they all have trouble with the individual project they are working on. They all agreed earlier that their professor is kind of useless, so failing to understand the assignment is not that bad. The conversation they are having is bad, though.

"Santana, it's pretty obvious."

"No, it is not. You guys are just seeing things. I understand you want the attention away from you and Mike, Tina, but it's so different when it comes to me and Brittany." Santana feels like she has explained this a thousand times already.

"It doesn't have to be the same situation, though," Rachel throws in. "You can still like Brittany, even if you don't want to date her."

"Yeah, Mike and I just moved fast and skipped the whole friends-before-dating," Tina says. Then her eyes widen and she gasps. "Do you guys think that was a mistake?" Mercedes looks at Tina with look that shuts her up immediately.

"This is about Santana and Brittany. If you want the attention away, then quit talking about your relationship, please and thank you." Santana shuts her book and tries to stray the others from the subject.

"Are you guys thirsty? I really want some juice or something."

"There's some in the fridge, take your pick," Tina tells her while she's checking her phone for any messages. "Oh, and don't think this conversation is over. Mike just texted me and said that Brittany admitted that you're sexy," she looks at Santana snidely. Santana shakes her head. Seriously, if she was looking for someone to be with, she would not talk about it with these people. Also, of course Brittany thinks she's sexy. _Santana _thinks herself as sexy. It means nothing.

"I think Finn said something about cornering Brittany and asking questions about them. So, prepare for more texts," Rachel says and grins at Santana. "And I have some information about this too." All three girls start talking about Santana and Brittany, acting like one of them isn't even there. Santana drinks her drink and tries not to listen to them. Sure, it's nice to have _something_ going on but that doesn't mean she wants anything serious. Despite what she says, her ex-girlfriend Regina really messed up with her head. Regina was kind of depressed and their relationship in the end was really bad. But not having the decency to tell about the break up herself? That put Santana off for months. And lately, Regina has been messaging her on Facebook, trying to reminisce. Santana is not going to start anything new and deal with old at the same time. Not that the old really means anything to her anymore. But yeah, she and Brittany are not going to do anything. It's just for fun to flirt sometimes.

"Santana, Mike just texted that Brittany apparently wouldn't mind if something happened between the two of you." Santana just looks at Tina and shrugs.

"Why can't that girl just say it to Santana's face? How the hell are the boys getting these answers out of Brittany?" Mercedes wonders. "I've been trying to interrogate her since we were at our party together. I'm telling you, it's impossible." Rachel just smiles while Tina reads the texts to Santana out loud.

"Funny, pretty, cool, sexy, nice, sexy… These things are right out of Brittany's mouth! You have to give her something."

"I don't have to give her anything, if I don't want to!" Santana exclaims. "Okay, look. I like her, fine. But I don't want anything out of it. It's nice to flirt and stuff, but it's just that and it's going to stay that way," she hesitates. "For now. At least." She returns back to her book, but sees out of the corner of her eye that the girls are looking at her and each other with knowing smiles.

"I talked to her two days ago," Rachel starts. Santana bangs her head against her book on the floor. "Just hear me out!" Rachel laughs. "She said that she could see something with you, but not yet. So at least you are both at the same page, even if you haven't talked about it together." Well, that's nice to hear. But like Mercedes said. Why can't Brittany tell Santana herself?

* * *

"You don't find it annoying?" Quinn asks in disbelief. They are talking on the phone and Santana is explaining what has been happening in the past few weeks.

"What?"

"The meddling. I wouldn't like it."

"You never like people putting their noses in your business, anyway. It's actually kind of fun. Even if it's annoying. I mean, now I have some inside information."

"What if they made it up in their head to get you to think too much about this? Because that's what you're doing."

"They're not plotting against me, Quinn!" Santana says incredulously. "Don't be so suspicious just because you don't know these people. And I know."

"I just personally wouldn't like it! But fine. So now you know Brittany likes you. What are you going to do about it?" Santana lies on her bed and stares at the ceiling.

"I don't know…"

"Well, I can't really help you with this. But I have something to say," Quinn says and sounds determined.

"Well, spit it out," Santana snaps. Quinn could be more supportive. Wouldn't hurt anyone.

"I'm sick of our talks always being about Brittany. You're constantly talking about her and over-analyzing her and this thing between the two of you. Do something about it or forget about it. I don't care, either way. Just… talk about something else for a change. Please?" That's not unreasonable. But that's pretty much the only thing that's happening in her life. Now she's not allowed to talk about it with her best friend? She's the neutral party.

"Sorry, I know… I'll stop talking about it. But I'll still report to you if something happens," she warns.

"I would be mad if you didn't."

* * *

Once again, Santana is at a party. She hasn't seen Brittany all night and Tina told her she would be there. They have been avoiding each other and the subject quite successfully at school, but did that mean parties too? Maybe Brittany feels too awkward being around Santana now. Santana certainly does. It's weird when other people are meddling with your life. They can both decide themselves if they want something or not. But then again, Santana would never take the initiative and apparently that's something she and Brittany share. So, maybe pushing them into the right direction is a good thing? But is it even the right direction? Santana rolls her eyes at herself. Thinking too much has always been one of her biggest flaws. She should just go with the flow and relax. She takes a sip as a token for her decision.

Tina and Rachel come sit on both sides of her and look at her with smirks. She looks at both of them blankly.

"Yes?"

"Brittany's here," Rachel says and bats her eyes. Santana pretends to act excited. Even if she really is, a little.

"No way!" she says giddily. Rachel and Tina huff.

"Go talk to her!"

"No! I have nothing to say. If she has, I'm sure she'll come to me," Santana tries to get her matchmakers to understand. "We don't need your help, do you hear me?" Rachel and Tina pretend not to hear and pull her off the couch she's sitting on. Santana tries to struggle, but because it's two against one, her struggles are futile. Rachel and Tina lock her between them and start marching her somewhere. Santana assumes that somewhere is Brittany's location. They end up in the kitchen, where Santana sees Brittany and Mike talking. Mike is clearly saying something that doesn't sit well with Brittany because Brittany is looking at him like she will throw the drink in her hand to his face soon.

"Mike!" Tina says loudly, drops Santana's arm and marches to her boyfriend and starts making out with him furiously. If that isn't obvious, then Santana doesn't know what is. Brittany looks at the pair with exasperation and turns to Santana. Rachel decided to flee as well. Santana nods to greet Brittany, who smiles a little and rolls her eyes to Tina and Mike. Santana scrunches her face and nods again. She gestures for Brittany to follow her. They go back to the living room and sit on the same spot Santana sat earlier. They look at each other and start laughing.

"It's so ridiculous! Could they be more obvious with their matchmaking?" Santana says after taking a breath.

"I know, right? We can fend for ourselves," Brittany agrees.

"Yeah." They sit on the couch and sip their drinks. Santana can't really find anything to say. Now they have at least acknowledged each other for the first time in a few days. That's progress.

Two hours later they are still on the same spot but now their group has scattered around them. Rachel and Tina keep throwing Santana and Brittany glances that Santana would deem as desperate. Because they are desperate at trying to get her with Brittany for some reason. Why are they so interested in their relationship? _First timers,_ Santana thinks. Brittany hasn't moved from her side, though. They actually made some conversation about mundane things, so this thing hasn't ruined their friendship. She taps Brittany's arm.

"I'm gonna go use the bathroom. Can you make sure no one takes my seat? It's really crowded in here."

"Actually, I'm going to come with you if that's alright with you? I'll ask Mike to hold our seats," she says and Santana complies. They make their way through the house and find the bathroom, which has a line.

"So… Do you think they're totally gossiping about us?" Brittany says tauntingly as they are waiting and Santana grins.

"I think that's evident. I caught Rachel and Tina staring at us a couple of times." Brittany laughs and shakes head. But then she turns pensive.

"I don't know why I feel so against it, though," she says. "Or why I feel like I should be against it." Santana nods.

"Yeah, same here." They look at each other. Santana tries to catch some kind of answer in Brittany's eyes, but finds nothing. Maybe this time she should actually say something. "I don't know… Maybe one time wouldn't be so bad."

"No, not really," Brittany concedes. "But I really think it should stay that way, you agree?" Santana nods.

"Yeah, definitely."

* * *

**Thank you for reading, guys! This is a two shot and I think I'll have the second part uploaded around… Christmas, maybe? I'll try my best! If I should fail, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! (:**


	2. Chapter 2

Santana and Brittany are standing in Brittany's dorm room. They just arrived and things are awkward. Santana didn't expect anything less, but she would have thought the prospect of having sex would make them act a little more… excited? Maybe they're not drunk enough for this. Actually, Santana feels perfectly sober. She hasn't had sex in a long while and it's only been with one person. Needless to say, she is mildly panicking. The end of the night will determine whether it's positive or not.

Brittany starts walking to her fridge. "Do want anything to drink? I think I have beer or something," she says. Santana sighs, grateful that Brittany is having the same thoughts and accepts. They go sitting on Brittany's bed. A few minutes go and Santana hears her phone vibrating in her bag. She goes to get it. It's from Tina. She scowls to the text and returns to sit next to Brittany.

"Tina is asking if we have gotten anywhere yet," she says to Brittany who is giving her a questioning look. "As if I would answer if we were doing something."

"Did you answer?" Brittany asks and bites her lip. Santana shakes her head sheepishly. Brittany smiles and relaxes. Santana is still feeling tense. She hopes Brittany takes the initiative at some point, because she definitely will not do that.

"Do you have anything stronger? Like vodka or something?" she asks. She needs to be a little drunk or this is not going to work. Brittany gets up and pours vodka into two glasses. She mixes them with some orange juice and hands the drink to Santana. Santana takes it drinks it quick. Brittany's eyes widen.

"Are you okay? We don't have to do this if–"

"It's been awhile," Santana blurts. "A long while, actually." Brittany nods. She drinks her drink quickly too.

"It's okay. You don't have to be nervous. But you have to be sure," she says sternly and looks at Santana. Santana looks back and nods. She is sure. Brittany lingers looking at her and nods too. Okay, so something is definitely going to happen tonight. And Brittany is getting closer too. She takes the empty glass from Santana's hand puts it and her glass on the floor. She is looking at Santana with intense eyes and Santana is getting excited. The drink she just had might have something to do with it, but who cares? At least it's helping. And it's not enough to make her sloppy and gross. She decides to get closer to Brittany, too. They meet halfway and are just staring at each other. Brittany closes the gap between them.

"Don't be nervous," she whispers against Santana's lips and Santana gasps.

"Okay," she breathes and Brittany kisses her right away. She puts a little force behind their kiss, but it's still gentle and unhurried. Santana puts her arms on Brittany's shoulders and tries to get closer. She always thought kissing while sitting is awkward, so she tries to push Brittany to lie on the bed. Eventually Brittany complies and lies down with Santana on top of her. Their kiss breaks but Brittany wraps her arms around Santana's middle starts kissing her neck. Santana attempts to breathe and figure out where to put her hands.

"Stop thinking too much," Brittany advises while still kissing and sucking on her neck. She makes a small nip and Santana lets out a little squeak puts her left hand in Brittany's hair, telling her to continue. Brittany chuckles and keeps going. Later, Santana tugs on Brittany's hair and kisses Brittany again. She coaxes Brittany's tongue to join hers by sweeping her tongue on Brittany's lower lip. Brittany opens her mouth a little bit wider and Santana starts teasing with playful little flicks and then retreating. Brittany moans quietly and tries to catch Santana's tongue and speed things up a bit. Santana is having none of it and sets the pace. Eventually she decides to give Brittany some room to explore and Brittany takes the invitation enthusiastically. She strokes Santana's tongue with her own and kisses her faster while breathing through her nose. Santana is trying to keep up while succumbing to Brittany's tactic. Brittany doesn't like slow, apparently. They keep kissing and Brittany starts stroking Santana's sides and sliding her hands towards Santana's hips. Santana shivers. She allows Brittany to take her shirt off and sits up. Brittany sits up too and Santana takes a hold of the hem of Brittany's dress and tugs. They throw the clothes to the floor and this time Brittany lies on top of Santana.

She starts kissing down Santana's collarbones and Santana is gasping for breath and trying to put her hands on Brittany. It's a little hard when Brittany is getting lower and lower on her torso and unbuttons her jeans. She starts pulling them off and Santana helps by lifting her bottom. Brittany is struggling with pulling them all the way off.

"Why do you wear such tight jeans?" Brittany asks a little frustration lacing her tone. Santana giggles.

"Because they make my ass look awesome. Do you not agree?" she says and smirks. Brittany grins and throws the jeans on the floor, now that she got them off. She lies back on top of Santana and Santana bends her legs for Brittany to lie between them. Brittany puts her hands on Santana's hips but slides them to Santana's ass and squeezes playfully.

"Yeah, I agree," she winks and puts her lips on top of Santana's right breast. Santana bites her lip and starts stroking Brittany's sides and back as well. Brittany's skin feels so smooth under her fingertips. She can't wait until she gets to kiss and lick her abs. Because from what she can tell by Brittany lying on top of her, Brittany's abs are firmer than steel. Her thoughts are interrupted by Brittany pulling Santana's bra cup down and flicking her stiff nipple. Santana moans and digs her nails to Brittany's sides and Brittany hisses. She goes to unclasp Santana's bra and Santana decides to do the same. After they're off, they are both staring at each others bodies.

"Holy crap, you are _so _hot," Santana lets out and licks her lips. Brittany smiles widely.

"Thanks," she says sweetly. She leans to kiss Santana. "But I think you are way hotter." Santana thinks she has never heard anything as genuine in her life.

* * *

Santana and her friends from school decided to rent two cabins for a weekend. Puck keeps saying it's to 'relax' before midterms, but Santana knows it's going to be drinking, drinking and drinking. All day and night. She's not really looking forward to it. Especially right now, after her night with Brittany. They haven't been talking much. All of them are trying to get them to talk but Brittany is being evasive. Santana is just following her lead. But she thinks they should talk. She realized that there are some feelings there but she still doesn't want to date anybody. She feels like she should tell that to Brittany. Why Brittany is acting so distant, Santana doesn't know. It's unsettling, because in Santana's opinion, the night was a success. The awkwardness faded away the further they went and they both enjoyed themselves a lot.

Santana decided she will have this talk with Brittany, even if it'll take the whole weekend for her to open up. Maybe Santana should tell Brittany about the break up she had so Brittany would understand why she needs them to be on the page? But that could make things too serious. She hasn't talked to her friends much about the situation, because they give too much advise Santana can't even decipher.

They have just arrived to their cabins. Santana is in the same cabin with the girls and boys in the other cabin. This time Brittany joined the girls, so Santana's job could be a little easier. She hopes. After they have settled in their bedrooms, they go to the boys' cabin. They decided together that all drinking should happen there and the other cabin is for… something else. The boys have already started. Puck and Finn managed to bring a suitcase of booze somehow. Mercedes and Rachel start cooking for everyone and the others are reorganizing the living room, so they all have room to dance and hang out together. Mike brought his laptop and speakers so they can listen to music. Thankfully, their cabins are a good distance away from other cabins, so their noise won't disturb the other visitors.

After dinner they are all feeling a little buzz. Mike and Tina disappeared somewhere and no one really cares to ask. Rachel and Puck are making out in a corner and the rest are sitting in a circle. Santana hasn't tried to talk to Brittany yet, but for now they have had a little conversation about the possibility of getting a food poisoning from Rachel's cookings. They all had a good laugh.

So, the first night went off without a hitch. Rachel and Puck had some kind of drama that caused Rachel to flirt with Finn. That started a ridiculous chain reaction that Mercedes and Mike managed to solve, but Rachel stomped to bed at midnight and Puck and Finn aren't really speaking to each other. So, basically everything went better than well.

* * *

Next morning they all gather in the girls' cabin for breakfast. The girls cooked a lot of different dishes that would please the people with hangovers. They are sitting at the table and everyone is quiet. Until Rachel speaks up.

"I wanted to apologize to everyone for last night. I don't know what came over me, but I assure you I have no hard feelings and I hope that tonight we will have a great night together," she says. Everyone nods.

"It's okay, Rachel. No one expected this weekend to be drama free," Brittany says cheerily. "I honestly expected worse…" What the heck does that mean? Is she talking about Santana and herself? Santana isn't starting any drama. But if that's Brittany's fear, Santana might as well cause something. Okay, no. They aren't there yet. But it's annoying Brittany would think Santana can't handle things maturely. Ugh. She doesn't even know if Brittany's talking about her, that was such a generic statement. She needs to stop thinking everything Brittany says is about her. It's starting to sound desperate in her own head and they only had sex once.

They spend the day just lounging around and playing games together. Things aren't all that awkward between Rachel and Puck. They went for a walk together and talked things out. Santana even saw Puck and Finn laughing together. Santana and Brittany don't really talk even if they both played cards with Tina. Tina was trying to get them to talk to each other and Santana is getting annoyed at her behavior. Her mission is accomplished already, they did the deed. Why is she still trying to push it?

In the evening they all gather to the boys cabin again. Tonight is the night that Santana talks to Brittany. She has been mentally preparing herself for their talk and is confident that she will get Brittany to talk to her. It might take awhile, but Santana is determined to patient. Everything will work out fine, she's sure about it. After dinner she and some of the girls head to their cabin to change clothes. They decided that they will have their own toga party. After they have all wrapped themselves in their sheets, they go back. Santana manages to stall Brittany by saying that her toga is falling off. Brittany stays to help and the others are probably already with the boys. Santana mentally pats herself on her back. Next step: get Brittany to talk.

"Is it okay?" she asks Brittany, who is trying to get Santana's toga to stay up.

"Yeah, it was just too loose here at the back," Brittany says. She pats Santana's waist. "All done!"

"Thanks. I really don't want to show my girls to the boys," Santana jokes. Brittany chuckles. "Or anyone else."

"I wouldn't mind," Brittany says lowly. Santana freezes. Brittany is basically giving her an opening! Santana cheers inside her head.

"Oh," she says lamely. Wow. That was the worst reaction ever.

"Huh?" Brittany asks and sounds confused.

"I didn't think you would be up for it anymore. I mean… You only said 'one time'," Santana says and turns around. Brittany averts her gaze and busies herself with her hair.

"Yeah, I know."

"Yeah." Santana is now pretty sure that this will take a long while. But she refuses to back out. Brittany and she will talk, however long it took. She tries to prod and inquire but Brittany is being reclusive. She doesn't take on any of Santana's baits and Santana's patience is slowly running off. So far she has gathered that Brittany 'maybe, possibly' (her own words) would like to do it again sometime. It apparently was a fun night. Brittany barely looks her way. Santana tries to look at her intensely but eventually tries a different tactic. Maybe if she played the same game, Brittany would be a little more interested to talk. Like they would be on the same wavelength. She stops looking at Brittany and turns her focus on her nails. She changes her tone to lamer than before. She tries to get Brittany ask her about things instead of feeling like an interviewer herself. Brittany is talking about how she doesn't know if she's willing to do anything casual either.

"Yeah," Santana stretches out her acknowledgement of Brittany's confession. They both pause. Santana glances at Brittany and notices that she's hesitating about something.

"Um…" Brittany swallows. "Do you– what are you–" she stammers. Santana turns to her expectantly. "What would you like to happen?" Santana nods. There it is.

"Like you said, I wouldn't mind. I definitely don't want a relationship, but something reliable would be nice." Holy shit. "I mean not that I expect you to be there twenty-four-seven! That was shitty, sorry…" she trails off. Brittany looks at her amused.

"I definitely don't want a relationship either." Santana nods once. At least she got a definitive answer for once.

"But what about that casual?" she asks carefully. For the first time Brittany actually looks at her in the eyes.

"I could live with that."

"Okay," Santana says contemplatively. Is that a decision? Why can't Brittany just be clear about the things she says? "So… should we head back to others?" Brittany smirks.

"Or we could stay here and have our own toga party," she suggests mischievously and starts walking to her and Rachel's bedroom. On her way she is pulling off her sheet off her body. Santana sits like a statue staring at Brittany revealing herself until she wakes up and follows Brittany through the door. She lets Brittany pull off her sheet.

* * *

Christmas is coming closer. Santana has been studying to her midterms and is in need of some unwinding. She and her friends had a discussion and they decided to have a small pre-christmas party to get their minds off school. Santana was thinking about a movie and snacks with the girls but Tina said that's too lame. Everyone else agreed that they should get drunk. Santana really had no say in that, so after some persuasion and the promise of inviting the boys and Brittany she was all in. But it was not because of Brittany. Absolutely not. Sure, sex is a great way to relax, but really Santana wants to spend some time away from the books. If the party leads to sex with Brittany, then… Santana is not opposed. Santana and Brittany haven't really talked after the weekend at the cabins. They agreed they shouldn't text or stay in touch that much out of school, because that might give people the wrong idea. Quinn's unwelcome opinion is that it's just a matter of time before Santana and Brittany become an actual couple. Santana is determined to prove her wrong. Her plan? Stay away from Brittany during the party. She will not be desperate anymore. If Brittany asks, that's fine but Santana will not put herself out there this time.

The party is proving to be a success. No unwanted guests, just the people that was supposed to be there. Santana's glad she has found herself some friends she could really spend time with. They are a really good group of people. Sure, some people's personalities are not Santana's cup of tea but they're not that dominating when there's more people around. Mostly, Santana has been talking with Rachel and Mike tonight. She hasn't really even spared a glance at Brittany. But neither has Brittany at Santana. Santana feels like she would know if Brittany was looking her way. It's starting to irritate her. For once, Brittany could make a move. So far she has just been the one initiating sex but it has all been Santana's words that got them to that point.

The whole night she tries to immerse to other people's problems. She listens to Tina telling her all about her and Mike's latest fight. She listens to Finn telling her about the finesse of 'brocode'. She listens to Mercedes telling her about how her mother is giving her shit about her studies. She listens to everyone but she can't shake off the fact Brittany is seriously ignoring her tonight. She hasn't given any clues at all of how she wants this night to end. Because Santana does not assume. She needs hints and actions to determine the next step. She doesn't just wing it.

She's sitting on the couch by herself now. She has talked to everyone but Brittany tonight and doesn't want to talk anymore because apparently they all have some problems with their family and relationships. Santana is not a freaking councilor, she's studying biology. She's going to be a scientist looking into a microscope, not people's lives. They all should know, they're Santana's fellow students after all. So she's sitting in the couch trying to think the fastest way home right now, because she's tired of humiliating herself. Brittany has made it perfectly clear that nothing is going to happen tonight. Just as Santana is about to stand up and tell everyone she's leaving, Brittany slumps right next to her with Puck.

"Why the face?" she asks in a way that could be called uninterested. Santana purses her lips in annoyance.

"I don't have a face."

"You look like a duck," Brittany argues and Puck starts laughing next to her. Santana reaches behind Brittany and smacks the back of his head.

"Ouch! Don't violate me, for once I'm innocent!" Santana rolls her eyes but decides to stay where she is. She wants to see if Brittany really has anything to say, other than compare her to animals. At least ducks are somewhat cute.

"Is there anyone that's guilty?" Brittany probes after she has shooed Puck away. Santana scoffs.

"I don't know. Is there?" she says accusingly and crosses her arms but doesn't look Brittany's way. She hears Brittany shift her position so she's sitting facing Santana.

"Is there?" Brittany repeats.

"Britt, stop."

"No. You're mad. To who? Did someone say something?" Santana can't believe that Brittany isn't actually understanding why she's mad. There's no way in hell Santana's telling her. Brittany is very capable of figuring it out herself. Santana has never met a girl that's as evasive as Brittany. It's like a boy dealing with feelings and that's getting on Santana's nerves. She wants a girl who comes with a mind that Santana is able to read. Not this hot and cold game.

"So, are you coming with me tonight?" Brittany asks.

"Do you want me to?" Santana questions with an annoyed tone. Brittany shrugs.

"I asked, what do you think?"

* * *

Santana wakes up in the morning with a hangover. She and Brittany stayed for a little while because Rachel insisted they play a drinking game and the night was longer than intended. The night didn't really end the way it was supposed to. Their walk to Brittany's place was spent bickering about stupid things like how fast Brittany is walking and why Santana can't pick up her pace. Once they got inside they barely talked to each other. Santana strode over to the bathroom and spent fifteen minutes there just trying to calm down. She may have teared up a bit, but she is not going to tell anyone about that. After she came out of the bathroom, Brittany borrowed her some clothes to sleep with. Then they just went to bed.

Now Santana is trying to figure out how to survive this massive headache she's having. She's so embarrassed about last night. Why does her emotions go all over the place when she's been drinking more than usual? She behaved like an annoying girlfriend last night. And she's not Brittany's girlfriend, so yeah. She messed up. So what if Brittany's not talking to her all the time, she did ask Santana to spend the night in the end. They don't need to hang out at every party they're in. Santana doesn't know if she should apologize or just leave it be and not mention it. She thinks Brittany wouldn't care either way, so she decides not to say anything.

Next to her, Brittany is starting to wake up too. She's moving around and turns to Santana and squints at her. Santana squints back, because her head is still hurting.

"Good morning," she grunts.

"Morning," Brittany says. "You look like you're in pain."

"My head is killing me," Santana groans and turns on to her stomach. She buries her face to the pillow and whines. Brittany hums and gets up to go to the bathroom. A few minutes later she reappears with a glass of water and a painkiller. Santana eagerly takes them and thanks Brittany.

"No problem," Brittany chirps. God, she's way to cheery this morning. Is she not suffering at all? "Do you want any breakfast?"

"If it's really greasy and salty," Santana answers.

Brittany makes them some eggs and bacon. They both eat in silence at the kitchen table.

"Do you think I could hang out a little while longer? I don't think I'm feeling well enough to go home yet," Santana asks timidly. She knows they're not really supposed to hang out outside of school.

"Fine with me," Brittany shrugs. "Do you want to take a nap? I'm still a little tired."

They go back to bed and try to sleep, but neither is feeling like sleeping. They are staring at each other right in the eyes. The more they stare, the more intense their gazes grow. Santana is determined not to blink. She feels like they're in a silent battle of wills. They can't move or they lose. She doesn't know what she will lose, her dignity or something else, but right now it feels all-important. She. Will. Not. Blink. They keep gazing at each other for a long time. Santana barely feels her head pounding anymore. Is that because of the painkiller she took or this staring contest, she doesn't know. Suddenly, Brittany shifts closer. The look in her eyes has changed. She looks like she's defeated. Santana is triumphant. Finally she's superior to Brittany. Right as she's having a victory celebration in her head, Brittany moves and captures Santana's lips with her own in a passionate kiss. Santana's so surprised she doesn't know what to do for a while and is perfectly still. Then Brittany starts pushing Santana on her back and goes on top of her. That's when Santana redeems herself and starts to kiss Brittany back.

"We were–" she tries to say in between. "supposed to– sleep." Brittany mumbles something that sounds something like she 'found a better cure for hang over'.

After a while of making out and taking their nightwear off, they're back on their sides, staring at each other and Santana's caressing Brittany's hip. The mood feels different now. It's not as urgent as their making out earlier was. It's slower and gentler, somehow. Santana's not exactly sure, when the mood shifted, but somewhere in between kissing and taking their clothes off, their touches turned softer and more timid. Their staring doesn't feel like a contest anymore. It's just appreciating each other. Brittany reaches out her hand and puts it on Santana's cheek. She shifts closer and Santana closes the gap between their lips once more. They kiss languidly, each letting out soft hums of contentment every now and then. Santana's hand on Brittany's hip strokes lower on Brittany's thigh, and pulls it on her waist. Brittany places both her hands in Santana's hair and gives it a gentle tug. Santana smiles into their kiss and moves her hand delicately on Brittany's inner thigh, getting closer to the heat she feels on her fingertips already.

Brittany whines into Santana's mouth, indicating her to hurry up. Santana gives her a stronger kiss on the lips and turns to Brittany's neck. She starts to kiss and take little nips here and there. Brittany's hands tighten in her hair and her leg on Santana's waist curls around Santana even more. That's when Santana makes her final move. Her fingers cup Brittany's mound and part the folds softly. Brittany makes a satisfied noise in Santana's ear. Santana smiles at how relieved that sound is. She explores and spreads the wetness she finds around. She strokes up and down a few times and Brittany's responding with yet another whine and an urging thrust of her hips. Santana stops.

"Patience, Britt-Britt," she whispers. She's firm on doing this at her own pace. She likes having sex with Brittany a lot, but she thinks she could teach her a thing or two about a slow build up. She knows she can make Brittany feel really good like this. She wants to show her. Brittany takes a breath and nods. Santana starts moving her hand again. She gathers a little bit of Brittany's wetness on her fingers and moves them upwards. She softly presses her fingers on Brittany's clit and Brittany's hips buckle. Santana starts circling her fingers around lazily, and pushes Brittany on her back for a battle angle. Brittany gasps heavily and her hands on Santana's hair move to Santana's ribs to steady them both. Santana giggles sheepishly after almost crashing on top of Brittany and Brittany smiles softly at her. Then she angles her hips upward, telling Santana to continue. Santana complies by picking up her pace a little bit. Brittany moans and closes her eyes. Santana moves her mouth to Brittany's right breast and starts kissing around it, finally reaching her hard nipple. She gives it a gentle suck with her lips. Brittany's hips start to move with the same rhythm Santana's hand moves between her legs. Her hand goes to Santana's jaw and makes Santana look at her.

"Please," she breathes. "I need more." Santana looks at her, loosing a bit of her cool. Brittany has never been this responsive and desperate before. Well, yes she has, but not this compliant. She's looking at Santana in way that fills Santana's heart and mind with such affection that she can't do more than give her what she needs. She moves her fingers down and positions her middle finger at Brittany's entrance. Slowly, she pushes her finger in, only to pull it back and push both her middle and index fingers in. Her hand starts moving leisurely and Brittany responds with a thankful kiss on the corner of Santana's mouth. Santana decides that's not enough and kisses Brittany. She tries to ask Brittany with the kiss if she's liking her slow version of this. She thinks Brittany understands what she's asking, because her kiss reflects something Santana thinks is satisfaction and maybe a little bit of surprise. Brittany's hands go down to Santana's backside and push her hips down. Santana ends up straddling Brittany's right thigh and the space between her legs suddenly fires up. In her eagerness of pleasing Brittany, she has completely forgotten about herself. Brittany hasn't, because her pushing makes Santana grind her thigh at the same pace as her hips are moving. Santana puts her forehead on Brittany's as their movements gradually pick up speed. Santana starts curling her fingers inside Brittany, making her moan and tense up. Santana's hips jerk as a reaction and they lock eyes. They're panting in each others mouths and their sweat is mixing in between their bodies. Then Santana kisses Brittany and something in Brittany snaps. Santana feels her tightening around her fingers and she starts slowly pulling out and calming Brittany down with slow strokes around her clit. Brittany is catching her breath and slows her hips, finally stopping. Then she seems to remember Santana. She pulls her to an apologetic kiss and moves her right hand to the juncture between her legs. She starts putting pressure on Santana's clit quickly, not bothering to make Santana wait. Santana starts moving her hips again, thankful that Brittany knows she needs a quick release right now. She comes fast and hard against Brittany's hand and buries her head in Brittany's neck, silencing her moans, smelling Brittany's scent, that only amplifies her orgasm. Their movements slow to a stop but they stay where they are, panting against each other's skins. Neither is daring to speak.

Santana knows they crossed a line this morning between casual and feelings. She can feel it in Brittany's strokes on her lower back and she knows her gentle pecks around Brittany's neck aren't innocent either. She wonders why she doesn't feel like they did something against the rules they set. This feels like they should have been doing exactly this all along.

* * *

"It was a really weird morning," Santana finishes her story about last morning with Brittany. She and Quinn are having a movie night at Quinn's apartment.

"I can tell," Quinn says. She has been listening intently, which Santana is grateful for. She knows Quinn isn't exactly fond of these kind of conversations, so her being a good sport for Santana means a lot. Quinn is the only person she can tell things as they are and not downplay them. However close she is with friends from school, they would start spouting off useless advise. Quinn just sympathizes with her and let's Santana figure things out on her own. Not that Santana has a lot to figure out anymore. That morning pretty much proved to her that what Brittany is feeling is a lot more than just sexual. Once again, though, she needs to find a way for Brittany to open up. Judging by her earlier experience with that, it will take a long time for that to happen. But this time, Santana is willing to give her some time. She herself has some figuring out to do, after all.

"But you have time to figure it out during Christmas break, right?" Quinn says and shrugs. Santana nods.

"Yeah, I think we both have figure some things out, before we continue anything…"

"Yep," Quinn says. "What movie do you want to watch? I haven't seen 'Clueless' in ages." She gives Santana a smile that anyone else would think as cute. But Santana knows that's Quinn's manipulator smile.

"By 'ages' you mean two days? I still don't understand your obsession Paul Rudd," she rolls eyes but gives Quinn the go ahead anyway. At least the movie's title reflects her own life right now.

"That's because you like girls, Santana. Besides, you totally like Alicia Silverstone," Quinn quips and comes back to sit next to Santana on the couch. Santana snorts.

"As if…" But she can't help but notice how much Alicia Silverstone's looks reminds her of a certain blonde.

* * *

At the 'End of the year'-party they're having (they decided to have their own New Year's Eve party, since most of them are going home during the break), Santana and Brittany leave together. Next morning, Brittany buys Santana breakfast at Starbucks. They don't talk about where they stand.

They text during the break. Mostly it is to wish happy holidays, but she thinks it means something, when Brittany adds Santana's name in the end of the messages. It's not a group text. She sent that message specifically to Santana.

Back at school, Santana is having lunch with her friends. They have all been catching up on how everyone spent their holidays. So far anything that she has shown even a remote interest to, is Puck's New Year's Eve that he's been reviewing for fifteen minutes. Brittany hasn't said much either. They are sitting next to each other and actually had a decent conversation. They both ignored purposefully the knowing looks they received from Tina, Mercedes and Rachel. It feels like there hasn't been a couple weeks of break from each other. Everything is the same. Santana's friends are back to matchmaking, Puck is being annoying, Tina and Mike are constantly making out in the middle of sentences… The only thing that has changed is Brittany's behavior. Wherever Santana goes, Brittany shows up. They are talking to each other, even if they're not in a party together or in bed. Brittany is actually looking at Santana. She's sure Brittany has made some kind of decision. Santana is half-panicking, half-curious.

"So, Britt, how was your break?" Rachel interrupts Santana's thoughts.

"It was okay, nothing out of the ordinary," Brittany says and looks at Rachel funnily. She already explained everything. Santana's eyes turn to glare at Rachel. That girl is definitely up to something.

"Oh," Rachel says, acting expressionless. Does she fail? Yes, she does. She looks like she's about wet herself from curiosity. "Nothing happened? No new commitments, relationships… Nothing new?" Santana better interfere and fast.

"What the hell is your angle, Berry?" she hisses and tries to give off a warning look. Rachel doesn't care about that, obviously.

"I'm merely asking Brittany about her Christmas break, Santana. There's nothing wrong with that," she says and smiles sweetly. Santana glares back. She will not let this girl ruin her… whatever-it-is with Brittany. They're finally making progress, and–

"Look, since Rachel can't obviously ask a question, I will," Mercedes butts in. "Are you two a thing or not?" Everyone turns to look at Brittany and Santana expectantly. Neither looks at each other. Santana doesn't want to answer that question. Sure, a lot of things indicates that they are in fact a thing, but she learned a long time ago that assuming things get you nowhere. She Brittany will have to talk about that first, before they tell anyone anything.

"I think–" she starts.

"No." She turns her head mid-sentence to Brittany. That sounded… definite. "We told you a long time ago that it's just casual. There's nothing more to it," Brittany says sternly, looking at everyone. Santana is just looking at Brittany. That was a hit below the belt. What were all those text messages and conversations about? And that one morning… Brittany just made it sound like all of that meant nothing to her. Okay, the texts probably didn't. But everything else weren't nothing to Santana. She hates that Brittany would say that in front of their friends. She could have said that to Santana first, so she wouldn't have to just sit here and feel everyone's eyes on her. She looks away from Brittany and tries to regulate her heartbeat, that has sped up. She takes a deep breath and turns her face into a stone. Well, she at least knows now where they stand.

They sit in an awkward silence. Santana ignores the apologetic looks Mercedes and Rachel are throwing her way.

"Um… Lunch is almost over," Finn says and everyone stands up to leave. Santana gathers her stuff quickly and walks away. She wants to be as far away from them as possible right now.

"Santana!" she hears Rachel behind her. She speeds up. "Wait, please!"

"I don't want to hear it, Berry!" she turns around and sees Rachel with Tina and Mercedes by her side. They all look remorseful.

"Santana, we're sorry. I was sure that you and Brittany had had some kind of talk, because you were acting so friendly," Rachel pleads. Santana pinches the bridge of her nose.

"This is why I didn't want to talk to you guys about this," she sighs. "I knew one of you was going to ruin it." Her friends look at each other wincing.

"It was just for fun," Tina tries.

"That's what I thought too, but you should have come to me first to confirm, before asking in front of the whole world if we're 'a thing'!" Santana exclaims spreading her arms wide open. "Now we all know! But I would have liked to know before you guys, and this fucking sucks!" Her shoulders sag and she sighs. She looks at the trio in front of her and shakes her head. "I shouldn't have started anything with her in the first place, I knew this wasn't going to end well…" she trails off. She nods absent-mindedly and ignores the burning in her eyes as she starts walking to her class.

She and Brittany don't talk for two weeks.

* * *

It's Rachel's birthday party and everyone is there. Santana has been walking around for half an hour trying to locate people she knows, but it's proving to be a problem. The only person she has found is obviously the birthday girl, but she had other people to talk to, and only pointed Santana to the general direction of their friends. Santana isn't really in a party mood. Hasn't been in a while. Everything between her and the girls is fine, but seeing Brittany around is surprisingly hard. At first she was angry and sad, but now she's just sad. It's not so much about the fact that they aren't a couple as it is about Brittany dismissing them so quickly. She thought they had more, even if it wasn't serious. Also, the fact Brittany hasn't talked to her or contacted her in any way over past couple of weeks upsets Santana. She saw Santana's reaction just as much as everyone else did. Someone would think it's a good place to explain themselves. _Oh wait, _Santana thinks sarcastically. _It's Brittany._

She finally sees a glimpse of Finn in the living room. It's good to have giant friends. She makes her way through the crowd and reaches Finn and the rest are there too. Including Brittany. Santana doesn't make eye contact and goes straight to Tina and Mercedes. They are sitting on the couch and make room for Santana.

"We're glad you finally made it!" Tina says and smiles at Santana. Santana smiles back.

"Yeah, sorry for ditching you guys for a while," she says and everyone shake their head in understanding.

"We get it, girl," Mercedes says a little too obviously. She even gives a nasty look somewhere towards where Brittany is sitting. Santana rolls her eyes at her.

They all sit there and form tiny groups to talk. After a couple of hours Santana has drunk a little more than she was supposed to. But it's okay, because she's in a good mood right now. Rachel joined them about an hour ago, and the girls have been making Santana smile a lot more than she has in the past two weeks combined. Just as she is getting a drink for herself from the kitchen, she sees Brittany talking to some boy. No, she sees Brittany _flirting_ with some boy. Santana knows that body language. She quickly fills her cup and returns to her seat, but this time she is just staring ahead, trying not to cry. That is a really low blow from Brittany. Has she been doing this for the two weeks Santana wasn't partying with them? Did she really sweep her aside so easily?

"Santana," Rachel says. "Are you okay?"

"Has Brittany been with other people during the past couple of weeks?" Santana asks with a strained voice. Rachel, Mercedes and Tina look at each other. They all shake their heads.

"Not as far as we know," Tina says. Well, Tina usually knows everything, so maybe that's true.

"I just saw her flirting with some guy in the hallway," Santana says and takes a huge gulp of her drink.

"Are you sure?"

"I would know, huh?" Santana tries to look away to hide the tears she has streaming down her face. She discreetly wipes them off. Rachel huffs.

"Oh hell to the no! She better explain what is going on," Mercedes exclaims and she stands up to find Brittany. Rachel follows behind her. Tina stays with Santana to comfort her. She put her right arm around Santana's shoulders and Santana leans her head on Tina.

"I'm really sorry it turned out this way," Tina says with compassion. Santana sniffs and wipes her cheeks again.

"Fuck, I really didn't want this to happen tonight," Santana sighs. "I feel like I'm causing unnecessary drama."

"You're not," Tina denies at once. "Brittany's being so weird right now. She should face her problems instead of avoiding them like this." She takes a moment to think. "I don't think she's doing the flirting to spite you or anything. She probably isn't just thinking." Santana's face crumbles.

"I fucking hate people who don't think," she says and her voice breaks. She hides her face in Tina's neck and starts full on crying.

"Oh, sweetie," Tina says gently and hugs Santana trying to hush her. Ten minutes later Rachel and Mercedes arrive with Brittany. Brittany looks at Santana with regret in her eyes. Santana takes a deep breath. They all stay there saying nothing. Rachel, Mercedes and Tina are all glaring at Brittany. Brittany glances at them.

"Can we talk, Santana?" she asks quietly. Santana nods and stands up.

"Where?"

"At my place." Santana looks at Brittany surprised. Brittany shrugs, nods to the entrance and starts making her way to it. Santana quickly hugs the girls and promises to tell them everything next time they see each other.

* * *

Their journey to Brittany's place is silent. Santana occasionally lets out a little sniff, but that's it. She doesn't know what to say. She's so embarrassed she started crying at the party, because technically she doesn't have any right to be upset. But she can't help it. At least she knows now what she wants. She's tired of their relationship being just about occasional sex. She wants more and if Brittany can't give her that then… they're really over.

They reach Brittany's apartment. Brittany offers Santana a glass of water, which she accepts. They stand in the room and avoid looking at each other.

"Do you want to talk now, or…?" Brittany asks quietly. Santana turns to her.

"Can we maybe talk in the morning? I'm really tired," she says and sighs. "I just don't think I'm gonna be rational if we have this conversation right now, and–"

"It's okay," Brittany interrupts her rambling. "We'll talk in the morning." With that, they go to bed. Santana is lying on her side, staring ahead. Brittany curled up as far away as possible, probably trying to give her some space. That doesn't make Santana feel any better about this situation. She heaves out a shaky breath, trying once again not to cry. Suddenly she feels Brittany right behind her, draping her arm around Santana. Santana is left stunned as Brittany snuggles closer.

"Good night," she whispers in Santana's ear. Santana relaxes and takes her hand, squeezing it as a response.

In the morning she wakes up and feels Brittany's arm still around her. They haven't moved at all. She glances the clock and sees it's only seven in the morning. She curses under breath, because she knows she won't be falling asleep anymore today. She disentangles herself and goes to the bathroom to wash up. She's thankful she isn't sporting a morning after, because that would make the upcoming conversation even more terrifying. How are they even supposed to address this? She still doesn't know much about Brittany and how she feels. Eventually she decides to let Brittany deal with starting the conversation and steering it. She's the one who asked them to talk. Finishing up in the bathroom, she goes to make coffee. The kitchen being in the same room as the bedroom, Brittany wakes up to the sound of the coffee machine. She looks at Santana blearily.

"What time is it?" she mumbles.

"Early. Sorry, I couldn't sleep anymore," Santana says. Brittany yawns and says it's fine. She gets up to go to the bathroom. Santana tries to find something to eat and ends up having cereals. Not the best breakfast in the world, but she's too nervous to really even make out the taste. Brittany emerges from the bathroom and ends having the same meal as Santana. They eat silently and after finishing up, they go back on Brittany's bed and lean on the headboard. Santana tries to settle in a position that would make her look approachable. She feels Brittany's being tense beside her. But she will not wrestle this conversation out of Brittany. It's not her turn. She hears Brittany sighing.

"First, I wanted to apologize about last night," she pauses. Santana gives her the tiniest of nods. That obviously encouraged Brittany, because she continues with a more even tone. "And all of my behavior. I know I've been kind of… insensitive… and I just wanted to say I'm sorry," she finishes after running out of ideas.

"I accept your apology," Santana says meekly. She doesn't offer any other opening for Brittany. Having noticed that, Brittany continues.

"This is why I didn't really want the casual thing. I didn't want to hurt you, but then I did. I was acting all distant, so I wouldn't start to have even stronger feelings. And then that morning happened," she pauses to swallow. "I've never felt so… cared, and I panicked. That's why I denied everything so quickly a couple of weeks ago."

"I just don't understand why you're so scared of having strong feelings for someone, or whatever," Santana says. "I'm scared too, but I don't freeze up completely when talking about the possibility."

"I've had relationships that haven't really ended on friendly terms," Brittany says vaguely. Santana bristles.

"So have I," she retorts. She can't believe that this would the reason. What could possibly be worse than being dumbed without knowing?

"Everyone has said that I'm hard to approach," Santana scoffs. Understatement of the century. "And that maybe true," Brittany goes on, ignoring Santana. "But no one's ever really tried with me, saying I'm too childlike or something else that's not so nice. I'm really bad with confrontation, I've always been. I can't help it…" she trails off and looks at Santana with a look that makes Santana move a little closer to Brittany. "No one's ever been patient enough to wait for me to trust them," she says quietly and her voice shakes. Santana contemplates what Brittany said.

"I'm sorry if I've made you feel like I've been pushing you," she slowly starts. "But the one relationship I had ended up with me being completely confused for the longest time. I just need to know my place and how you feel, because not knowing things makes me kind of crazy," Santana tries to joke. She doesn't get a response. Se sobers. "I don't like feeling that I'm a game that you can come back to once in a while–"

"I didn't mean to make you feel like that!" Brittany says and frowns.

"I know that," Santana says jovially. "But I can't help how I feel, Brittany. Neither can you." They regard each other. Finally Brittany nods.

"That's true." Santana nods too. "I really do like you, Santana." Santana's breath hitches. "I'm sorry I'm so bad at showing it." Santana takes Brittany's hand and squeezes it.

"I'm sorry I'm such a pushover," she says. Brittany turns fully to Santana.

"You're not," she says. "You're just making sure and I understand that. I'm going to try to be more approachable," she promises and gives Santana a tentative smile. Santana can't help but smile back.

"And I'm going to be more patient," she offers. Brittany squeezes her hand. "So… what now? Are we still the same, or…" Brittany shakes her head.

"I think we're kind of past that, don't you?" Santana nods in affirmative. She knows she can't go back to the way things were. "So maybe we should try that whole… relationship thing? And be girlfriends?" Brittany suggests and looks down. Santana is now positively beaming.

"I would really like that. To see how things go," she says, trying to conceal some of her excitement. Brittany looks up and smiles at her, with a hint of blush on her cheeks. Santana didn't know Brittany could be so cute. Now they're both smiling at each other with goofy smiles on their faces.

* * *

"Mercedes and Rachel can be kind of scary, by the way," Brittany says as she's walking Santana back to her dorm room. Santana laughs.

"Yeah, I've been keeping them up to date. They're really good friends. Tina too, even if neither of them can really keep their noses out of other people's matters."

"It's nice that you have friends like that. I've never really had good friends that are girls," Brittany says.

"Yeah, whats up with that, by the way? Not that I have a problem with it or anything, I'm just wondering how come you're hanging out with the boys more," Santana asks. Brittany starts explaining that despite liking girls she never really got along with them because of gossiping and the butting in.

"It's gotten better now that I'm older. People show their personalities here more than in high school. Now it's more out of habit that I drift to the guys," Brittany says matter-of-factly. Santana hums. They arrive next to Santana's building and face each other. Brittany hesitates but then entwines their hands together. Santana smiles down at them and then lifts her eyes to see Brittany looking at her sweetly.

"I'm glad we talked," she says happily.

"Me too," Brittany agrees. Once again they find other smiling at each other stupidly. Santana clears her throat.

"I'm going to head inside, but… see you tomorrow?"

"I'll probably call you tonight," Brittany says and blushes. Santana giggles giddily. God, she is being ridiculous. Brittany just said she'll call, she didn't promise the moon and the stars. She can't help but smile, though. During this day she has discovered that Brittany is so sweet and caring about a lot of things. Knowing that Brittany likes her a lot makes Santana's heart melt. She leans up on her toes goes to give Brittany a kiss on the cheek. Brittany lets her and when Santana pulls back, Brittany pulls her back, planting a kiss on her lips. Santana puts her hands on Brittany's shoulder and cheek and closes her eyes. This is how it feels to kiss Brittany without a weight on her shoulder. It feels _awesome. _Brittany puts her hand on Santana's hips and deepens the kiss, still keeping it sweet. Santana pulls away once more, pecking Brittany one last time, before starting to make her way to the door. She turns around to wave.

"Talk to you later," she says. Brittany smiles and waves back.

"Yeah, definitely."

* * *

It's almost time for finals now. The last few months have gone by so fast, but Santana is not complaining at all. After everything she and Brittany have been having so much fun together, without any drama. Sure, they have their fights, but they are becoming really good at talking them out, instead of bottling everything up. Santana is so proud of Brittany, because she has been making a lot of effort about opening up and Santana appreciates that. In turn, she has been trying to give Brittany some space when she looks like she needs it.

They're pretty old news to their friends, which makes both Santana and Brittany really happy. At first everyone was really excited about them 'finally' ending up together and Rachel, Mercedes and Tina really made it a point a lot of the time that it's their's doing. Week by week, though, their spotlight diminished and the new project started. This time, only by Rachel and Tina. They found out that Mercedes had been crushing on some junior boy for a long time and tried their best to set them up. Sometimes, Mercedes would vent to Santana about her frustrations with the others and Santana would gloat. 'It's not so fun on this side of the fence, Whitney.'

So yeah, Santana's feeling good. She's a little stressed about the upcoming tests, but right that doesn't really matter to her. Right now, she's sitting at a café with Quinn, waiting for Brittany to arrive. Both having been so busy over the spring, they haven't really seen each other that much. This would be the first time Quinn is meeting Brittany. Santana's not all that nervous about it. She knows they'll get along. They have to. She warned Quinn not to be too hard on Brittany. Quinn promised that she'll be nice. Santana has no concerns about Brittany. Brittany is genuinely nice to everyone.

"When is she coming?" Quinn asks and takes a sip of her tea.

"In a minute, I think," Santana answers. Then she brightens and waves to the front door to signal Brittany. Brittany sees them and hauls her training bag on her shoulder. She dumps it next to the chair she chooses and bends down to peck Santana on the lips.

"Hey," she says quietly and Santana smiles.

"Hey." She hears Quinn clearing her throat and rolls her eyes. Quinn's patience is out of this world.

"Can I just have my time with my girlfriend without you interrupting?" she says irritably and glares at her friend. Quinn opens her mouth to retort but Brittany straightens and offers her hand to Quinn.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Quinn. I've been really looking forward to meeting Santana's bestie," she says and gives Quinn a smile that has her blinking like she's blinded by the sun. She takes Brittany's hand and shakes it.

"You too," she says politely. "I've been hearing all about you."

"I hope not only bad things," Brittany says and winces a little at Santana, who shakes her head consolingly.

"I said _all_ about you," Quinn says and evidently wants to say something more, but Santana kicks her under the table.

"Fabray," she warns. Quinn raises her eyebrow in question and Brittany snorts out an awkward chuckle.

"I'm going to go and get something to drink. You guys want anything?" They shake their heads and she heads off to the cashier. Santana looks at her dreamily for a while. Then she rounds on Quinn and glares at her.

"I didn't say anything bad!" Quinn defends herself right away. "From now on, I'll just tell you first what I'm going to say so you can check if it's appropriate," she mocks Santana and Santana sneers. She's so annoying. They don't talk anything until Brittany comes back. She sits down next to Santana and places the things she bought on the table. There's a piece of a cake that she pushes in the centre of the table.

"I brought three forks," she chirps. Santana smiles at her affectionately and Brittany blushes. She hands Quinn a fork. Quinn accepts it and uses it to take a bite. She instantly brightens.

"Oh, I love carrot cake!"

"Me too!" Brittany says and they both look at Santana expectantly. She grumbles.

"I hate carrot cake," she mutters and puts her fork down. Brittany gives her a subtle wink in thanks for the tip Santana gave her earlier and joins Quinn to mock Santana about her taste in cakes. As Santana tries to act all offended, she can't help but smile. She takes Brittany's hand on the table. Oh yeah, she's feeling pretty damn good.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! This turned out surprisingly long, sorry it took a while to update! (: **


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